“It is impossible to say how your child will feel in relation to their gender next week, next year, or 10 years from now. Regardless, they will thrive with the reassurance of your love and support.”
– The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
What if he changes his mind? What if he decides in 10 or 15 years, he no longer feels so “masculine?” What if he wants to go back? Will he curse me, criticize me, question my parental abilities – “Mom, I was TWELVE! What did I know about anything?” Yes, these are the thoughts that haunt me.
First of all, let me say that I’m doing a LOT of reading on this subject, so before you jump in with your opinion of “How could you… whatever?” please know that I am not just guessing on this one. I’m doing the research. And the research says, trans people really don’t just become un-trans (or “cis” as they refer to us). There are those who decide they will go back to dressing/acting/presenting as their birth gender, but usually if they make that choice, it’s because of outside circumstances. They can’t afford the surgery, their family/friends/jobs won’t accept or support them, hormones are too expensive, things like that. Not because they no longer identify as trans.
Secondly, even if he is that one in a million who decides he wants to go back to the most “feminine” point in his life, most of the effects of testosterone are reversible, and once you stop, your body reverts back to pre-T . The few things that won’t change back, like a deeper voice, he will just have to live with.
And finally, so what if it is “just a phase,” as some have suggested? Wouldn’t you rather be loved and supported during the phases of your life instead of being told to “get over it” or being told your feelings are “wrong?” Yes, that’s what I thought.
And odds are (really, look at the statistics) that he will remain on this or a similar path. If not, that’s ok, too. There are no guarantees.